I’ve had an extremely tough week. Not only emotionally, and mentally but, as soon as I pressed publish on last week’s blog, I got sick. It seems to be my body’s defense mechanism from all the trauma. I have gotten sick more times this year than ever. Oh well! I want to thank everyone who reached out to me after last week’s blog. I appreciate all your support and kind words. I really didn’t know how to respond. This is my reality and I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. But, to not talk about it, belittles Aria’s feelings in that moment. I don’t know if she was planning prior and that was the final straw. I’ll never know until I meet her again in heaven someday. I’ll probably be too busy hugging and kissing her to ask. Until then, her story is to create awareness.
On July 19th marked the 6-year anniversary that Aria sang with Beyoncé. It was quite a spectacular moment. On July 19th also marked the opening of The Lion King, with Beyoncé starring as Nala. The Lion King has always reminded me of Aria, since she was two months old.
In May 2005, for Gary’s birthday, the family went to see The Lion King at the Ordway. It was the first time I left Aria with a “babysitter” (Alli). I didn’t really want to go; I was super anxious. My anxiety was through the roof after Aria was born. To play into my anxiety, our seats were in the middle section, like row 15, and my seat was smack dead in the middle (I prefer an end seat, always). We were waiting for the show to start and my heart started to race, I couldn’t catch my breath, my throat got dry, the wave of heat and nausea hit me. I said “Mom, I have to go.” Right at that moment the lights went out. I SHOT up to get the hell out of there. My mom grabbed me and pulled me back down to my seat and said “Sit down, you can’t leave right now, LOOK” as she points to the aisle. In the aisle were these ginormous real-life sized Giraffes, Rhino’s and Elephants marching to the stage for the presentation of Simba. Immediately, my anxiety dissipated. I was completely in awe of what I was watching and tears started streaming down my face. It was beautiful. Being a new mother, I couldn’t help but associate this celebration of life for Simba, with me and my family’s celebration for our new little cub, Aria Joy.
When I got to church on Sunday, I walked in during the middle of a baptism. Another celebration and dedication of life, of course! It reminded me of Aria’s baptism. She never had a baptism ceremony at Park Avenue or any other church. I was talking to my dad one day and I told him I wanted Aria to be baptized. He suggested we have his friend who is a Pastor do it at his house. She was about 4 years old. This wasn’t new for him; this is something he does often. He has a lake in his backyard. Aria wanted to get baptized. She was excited, anything that would get her into water, she was all for it. I went first to show her how it was done. Then it was Aria’s turn. Right after he blessed her and dunked her in the water, a white dove flew over her head. No kidding. My dad, the Pastor, and I were in awe. He stated he had never seen a white dove near his house before. When I text him on Sunday to confirm that my memory was correct, he stated he hasn’t seen one since. In the Christian faith the white dove represents love, honor, prosperity and peace. White doves are considered to be symbols of the holy spirit. It was an amazing thing to witness.
I saw on Facebook on Sunday that Aria came to Rico for the second time in a dream. Aria hasn’t “come to me” in a dream yet. She visited my sister Ashlee the day before her birthday. However, bugs leave’s me little messages consistently throughout the day. They are subtle but there really isn’t any explanation for it other than it has to come from her. Here’s a pretty obvious example of how she talks to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear from her after this extremely hard week.
After Church on Sunday, Nick and I were on our way to the Twins game. I still wasn’t feeling good. I was emotional. The last time I went to a Twins game was with Bug. I was having a hard morning. We passed an apartment complex that Aria and I used to live in. Memories came rushing back. I moved there with her in November of 2007. Aria would have been two and a half. I have great memories there. As well as a terrifying memory. One day I was in the shower and she took her chair and unlocked and unchained the door. She left and took the elevator down to the garage level, where I eventually found her. I was a flipping wreck. I got quiet in my thoughts. I sat back and my mind started to race. I needed a break from my mind so I hit the “shuffle” on my Apple Music to start playing through Bluetooth. I looked down and, on the dashboard, where it shows what song is on, it said “Mama Don’t Worry.” I said “Nick, OMG look at the song.” As soon as he looked down, the song changed on its own, I didn’t touch it. I tried to go backwards and forwards on the playlist and “Mama Don’t Worry” wasn’t on it. It was a little message from my little cub in Heaven!