When Buggy passed, I took some time off of work. I went back to Park, which was my job before she passed, on April 1st. Within a week, I knew I wasn’t happy there and I never would be. I told HR that I was planning on leaving but, I wanted to give them time to fill the position. I set my end date for June 28th. I gave them an almost 3 month notice. I figured that much time would help them out and also give me time to find something that I was interested in.
I did, I found a place where I would be doing individual therapy and co-facilitating DBT classes. This is contracted work. I knew I wouldn’t be getting benefits or anything like that. However, supervision is free and I got to choose my own schedule. Which is exactly what I was looking for at the time. My goal was to work two full days a week and that was about it. I would supplement any other needed income by picking up shifts at Bunnys. Sadly, I don’t need to make as much as I used to. It’s just me I have to support now.
One of the main reasons I needed to make this work change was availability. I wanted to spend my time working towards and for suicide awareness and prevention. Regardless on whether I was doing it alone or for someone else, I was/am doing research, emailing, and constantly thinking of ways to implement change. I’m really busy. My brain is always working. I could be so tired. I’ll sleep hard for a few hours. Then I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and my mind won’t shut off.
What am I missing?
Ok, you’ve reached out to everyone you could here in MN, branch out, who will help me?
I think of these things constantly. I keep getting signs to continue writing. Which I will, however, this blog will only go so far.
How do I get people with money and power to actually help make change?
I don’t know if it’s just me because now I am more aware of it, or, if this is reinforcement why I am working so hard for change, but, I see a new statistic about youth suicide every day!
Just a day or two ago the CDC released an article about youth suicide ages 10-24 increasing by 56% in just 10 years. An hour ago, I saw another one where Suicide rates ages 10-14 has tripled in the last 10 years.
I’m not making this up. This is real! Sometimes I feel unheard. Sometimes I feel like people truly believe “this won’t happen to me, not my kid.”
Yea, I thought the same thing, look at me now! I wish I was as informed then, as I am now. I’m trying really hard to get people to care before it’s too late. Trust me, you don’t want to be in my position.
Now, I’m not one to really believe in stuff like this, but, on the same day I started back at Park, April 1st, I had a scheduled spiritual reading. The person I spoke with did not live in MN. My mom had a reading a couple weeks prior and highly recommended her.
There was no doubt that she was talking to Aria. She knew so many things that no one would know. My mother and I had very personal and individually specific readings. However, there was one commonality, the woman kept talking about how “busy” Aria was. She said that Aria was so happy and loved heaven but that she was extremely busy. She conveyed that Aria said she can’t visit us everyday because she has work to do.
My sister decided recently that she wanted to get a spiritual reading as well. However, she wanted to use someone different. About a week ago, she did a “preliminary phone call.” The spiritual reader started her reading with “don’t be disappointed if your loved ones don’t come through, sometimes they just don’t.” In the middle of her saying this obligatory message in a preliminary phone call she stopped, and said “Whoa, there is no doubt this is your niece, I feel her and she wants you to know she’s very busy helping people.”
My sister is yet to have her reading but 3 different readings, 3 different experiences and they all have one thing in common, noticing how busy Aria is in heaven. Now, maybe she’s using me, maybe she’s helping people individually, or maybe she’s helping big companies to realize the importance of making people aware of this epidemic. Or maybe, she’s doing it all.
Either way, in life and death, she still amazes me. Anyone who knew Bug in the physical world knew she was an empath. She loved and cared for all. She was a little advocate. She had a special tenderness for children and people with special needs. She was open minded, loving, and caring. She would not sit back and let people hurt others. If I ever made an insensitive joke trying to be funny without being offensive, she would check me. I love and admire that about her, so much!
Now, I am going to play you a short snippet of my reading. Obviously, I want to keep most of it private. But, I want to give you this piece because this was her way of verifying who she was. Among other things throughout the conversation. However, hearing from her and knowing she’s ok and working hard, is what keeps me going.
Lord, if it is your will, use me as a vessel to help others in honor of Aria Joy. Help me help others. Help me help Aria help others.
In this snippet you will hear a lot of interference, static, and feedback. I’ve heard that when spirit is strong and trying to come through, they mess with technology. There was no viable reason on why there was so much feedback. The woman I was speaking with was on a landline and I was home. You’ll hear it as soon as we finish our prayer.
The featured image is of Buggy being interviewed by a local news station in front of the school that Philando Castile worked at. She was protesting and they wanted to talk to her. This image was captured by her Nonie Vianne.