Usually by the weekend, I get a nudge or an “inkling” of what I am going to write about each week. I had a tough time this week. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to write about.
On Saturday, Nick and I went to Target. We had a few things we needed to grab. When I walked in I noticed my phone wasn’t in my purse “No big deal” I thought, “it’s in the car.” About 45 mins pass and we get all of our items and pay out. We get to the car and my phone is nowhere to be found. Nicks calling it, I’m looking everywhere and literally starting to panic. I have Aria’s last texts to me, along with over 12,000 videos, pictures, and access to Arias Instagram on my phone. I literally started to hyperventilate. We go back into the store, Nick said I was pale as a ghost. I wobble to the guest services in tears and yell out,
“Did someone turn in a phone”
The young man walks me over to the other end of the counter and said
IT WAS MY PHONE!!!!
I grabbed it and immediately ran outside because I needed air. I was moments from passing out. God bless whoever turned it in. I have no idea where I left it. But, my goodness, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost this phone. It’s filled with Buggy stuff. Even if I have uploaded the pics and videos to iCloud, it wouldn’t save our conversations! Phew!!!!
I started to think about how lucky I am that I found it. Also, that I have so many incredible pics, videos, memories of Aria. Since our phones were linked, when I turned her phone off through T-Mobile, all of her pictures and videos transferred into my phone. She has thousands of selfies, videos of her singing, dancing, and hanging with friends. Definitely found a few I would not approve of 🙄🙄🙄, but I’d rather have them than not. It also gives me insight into what was going on in Buggy’s life that she kept hidden leading up to her passing. I’m not really ready to share all that, if at all!
I sat one evening just listening to her singing on the videos from her phone. Man, she was so incredibly gifted. It came so easily for her. She didn’t have to work very hard to be great! She could write songs and melodies at a very young age. Aaron has music she recorded in the studio as early as 4. She made it into the MPLS Youth Choir (first audition) in 5th grade. She could pick up an instrument and learn by ear. She taught herself piano, ukulele, and drums. She could pick out all the harmonies in a song. She didn’t have to practice, she just was, it was second nature for her. Unlike me! I would spend hours and hours on end practicing runs in my bedroom with Whitney or Stokley blaring. I wouldn’t leave until I hit it every note. I’m sure I drove my family insane. I also had horrible anxiety, to the point of not wanting to get on stage. Performing for me was terrifying. I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve actually felt “comfortable” on stage. Not Bug, she loved it. Even rehearsing or practicing wasn’t a necessity for her. Even though I emphasized how important they were. She asked me every season if she could try out for “America’s Got Talent.” For a long time she wasn’t old enough, then, they took the age limit away. It then came down to location, availability, and incentive for getting her math grade up.
Aria and her friends loved giving me shit about “my music career.” Lol, if you can even call it that. They were on the fence on whether I was “cool” or “cringy.” Probably a little bit of both. I was always the youngest mom though, so, I thought I was “cool.” Closer to the end of her life, she started to ask me
“When I was going to start singing again?”
She wanted me to sing. I always found a way to downplay it or change the subject. Blame it on work or my lack of time and musics lack of financial stability. But, she was adamant about me singing again. Even her friends would say,
“Mom # 2, sing, you need to sing”
I don’t know if I told you guys this story already but a month or so after Aria passed, I was at church. A woman who was a famous local singer lost her son. She had her sons funeral a few days before. Our Pastor talked about it and asked her if she would be willing to sing. Mind you, this is 3 days after her sons funeral. She got on the mic and she started to say that everyone kept asking
“When or if she would ever sing again?”
Her response was “That her son would never want her to stop singing.” It was a love they shared together. He was her drummer(if I remember correctly). She then said, “She wouldn’t be honoring her sons legacy if she stopped singing.”
It’s taken me some time but, Monday night, I started choir practice with my church again. It’s probably been 9 years since I’ve sang at Park. I don’t ever want to sing “professionally” again. But, I will sing in Gods house and I will sing to please God and Aria.
As I pull into the back parking lot for my first choir practice in years, I realized that that was the last place I saw Aria in physical form. She was deceased, but, it was the last place I touched, hugged, and kissed my girl!