Today, is February 5th. February 5th is the last day I talked to you, my sweet Aria Joy. It was the last time I heard you say, “I love you.”
My last text from you, “Goodnight mom, I love you” at 10:50pm that evening.
Somewhere between 12:15am, the last time Nonnie checked on you, and 8:16am when I got the worst phone call of my life, you took your last breath.
I was there when you took your first breath.
I wish you weren’t alone when you took your last. I want to hold you. Rub your head, assure you that everything would be ok as your spirit left your body and went to heaven. Even though, for me and all the people left behind, it’s not ok. I wish so many things. Tomorrow marks 1 year without you. It is so hard to comprehend, let alone, articulate. My heart is broken.
All I can think about is that there are so many things I wish you could have seen and shared with me over the last year. Although, I feel like you played a role in a lot of them.
Most of all, I wish I could just talk to you. Make dinner and hang out. Watch movies with you. Watch you grow into a young woman. Watch you enhance your craft in music and whatever other interests that you had. Watch you start high school and behind the wheel. I miss you most on normal days/nights. Not big holidays. But, just normal nights when we would be home alone together.
You passed on a Wednesday, so every Tuesday, I play this song. It’s exactly what I wish I could have done and said to you the night before she passed. Since today is literally a year to the day before you passed, here it is……
I love you more than anything, Aria Joy!
P.S. The cover photo is a picture of a locket Aria made for me. It’s a picture of her and I as babies! 💜👼🏽🙏🏽🦋